Be Who You Were Meant To Be
by aliceeeebeth
Summary: One shot about Finchel break up. Spoilers for 4x03. "Give her space to be who she was meant to be. Apparently she wasn't meant to be with him."


It's 3am when the reality of this situation hits him like a tonne of bricks.

Rachel _belongs_ in New York. It's the only place where all her dreams can come true - where she'd be able to shine like the star that she really is, the petite girl with the big voice and the huge ambition. The ambition that will leave her unsatisfied with Lima, that will leave her despising him for keeping her trapped when all she really wants to do is fly. And when those feelings appear, any love she has for him will be completely overshadowed by them.

And then she'll leave. Maybe she won't leave Lima until next fall, but she'll leave Finn way before that.

Finn would rather die than have that happen.

Besides, he's not a complete idiot. He knows that another year here will just make it even more difficult for her to leave, no matter how strong the pull is to New York. Just like in acting, musical theatre is heavily reliant on age and having a spring in your step and the energy to keep going even when your feet are blistered and your body is covered in bruises you can't even remember getting. So a year staying at home would be a year wasted in her future.

A year could take her to Broadway, or the lead role in a smaller production, or multiple auditions, or discovering a new genre of music that suited her voice perfectly...

So, at 3am, Finn drags himself out of bed, gets out his laptop, and starts drafting an email. Maybe Rachel Berry will hate him for this. Maybe she'll find a way to forgive him. But either way, this has to be done.

...

"So you want us to lie to our only daughter?" Her dads are staring at him with incredulous expressions on their faces. Finn's email had been brief, explaining that he wanted Rachel in New York come September, no matter what.

"You know that the second she realises what I'm planning - what _we're _planning - she'll do everything in her power to stop us. And Rachel Berry is a force to be reckoned with, like you know." He's clenching his hand around the table leg so tight that it's beginning to feel painful, but if he let's go he'll punch himself because the majority of him is screaming that it's not too late to change his mind.

"Have you thought about how you're actually going to get her on the train? Because she'll just come back. Or she'll follow you wherever you go." Finn's blood freezes. The idea that she would refuse to get on the train hadn't crossed his mind. He'd assume that she'd just accept that - he practically retched at the words - _they were over_ and then leave.

"I can't do this anymore." Hiram stood up and walked out of the room, leaving Leroy and Finn staring at each other. They were helping to break their daughter's heart and that was something that didn't sit well. Hell, it didn't sit well with anyone.

"If you let her go... you've got to let her go. Give her space to be who she needs to be and maybe, just maybe, you'll find your way back to each other." A hand was outreached across the table, but it was left untaken. Finn didn't deserve any sympathy from anyone. What he was having to do was both selfish and selfless, and he could only wish that Rachel understood-

"Finn, what are you doing here?" Speak of the devil. Rachel practically danced in, light on her feet as always.

"He was just talking about wedding arrangements." A quick look in Leroy's direction was the lightbulb moment. That's how he'd get her to the train station - on their supposed to be wedding day. Finn practically burst into tears right then at the look on his soon-to-be-ex-fiancée's face.

"I have to go. Speak to you later, babe." He pecked her cheek, not trusting himself to get too close, and ran out of the house.

...

_F - I stole her phone. Just in case she texted anyone about wedding arrangements. As far as everyone else is concerned, she's planning on going to New York and the wedding is postponed. - K x_

There weren't many people who knew what Finn had been planning. Rachel's parents, Burt and Carole, and Kurt. He only told Burt and Carole because of what Finn's plans were once Rachel was en route to the Big Apple... it was all one mess of lies and secrets and truths and Finn was still desperate to change his mind.

Every second he spent with Rachel he was crippled with guilt. "Finn, do you still want to get married?" She'd asked him one evening while they were curled up on the sofa. "It's just... you're being so quiet and it's unlike you. I mean, I know I talk a lot but I just thought that maybe you wanted to put it off again?" He'd attempted to smile and lied through his teeth.

"Babe, of course I still want to get married. I've waited too long already to call you my wife."

Proposing to Rachel had been the most selfish he'd ever been, and not a day would go by that he wouldn't hate himself for it.

...

_F - We're all set. - Leroy_

Rachel looks beautiful, even when she's just in her plain clothes. One look at her face tells him that he's doing the right thing. He's made mistakes before, and now he's making them right.

_F - Everyone's at the train station. Don't be late. - K x_

They make small talk as he starts the car, and only small talk. He's practically having to bite his tongue off in his efforts to not reveal anything before it's time. If she finds out too soon, she'll force him to turn around, and then this will have all been for nothing.

"You're on the 4.25 to New York." Then the words are out. How many times over the past few weeks he's wondered about her reaction. Would she burst into tears straight away? Would she slap him? Would she scream obscenities at him, earning the weirdest looks from passersby? "You're going to spend 4 years of your life there and you've never even set foot in the place, so..." She's not saying anything, just giving him this wounded look as if he broke her favourite headband or something.

"But I have..." She stumbles on her words, and his heart breaks. "I have all year to go look at it." Her words are saying one thing, but she's unbuckling her seat belt and that says that she's at least partly beginning to understand what's going on.

"You're going there in the Fall." He's absorbing her image, the way she looks, eyes roaming across her face because this is goodbye. "We're not getting married today."

"You don't want to marry me?" She jumps in with her question, eyes full of fear at the prospect of not being wanted. The idea of not _wanting_ her, of not thinking of her every second of the day, of not loving her... it's so ludicrous he would laugh.

"I want to marry you so badly I can't go through with it." At least, that's what he tells himself. He loves her too much to let her waste out her days in Lima. And then when she's trying to persuade him to come too he tells himself that he loves her too much to let her have baggage. Meeting all those new people, all the amazing opportunities... she's going to waste it if he's forced to tag along. "Are you 100% sure you want to marry me?" And then the remains of his heart are ripped out of his chest and haphazardly thrown away. Here he's being faced by his worst fear: Rachel Berry has doubt about him. Not just about marrying him, but by association about spending the rest of their lives together.

He tries to explain it all, to explain that this is what's best for them - best for her, but her eyes get wide and fill with tears and he knows that this is the moment. The moment he will remember forever, and not for a good reason. He's going to hate himself for the time when she asks: "Are you breaking up with me?"

He can't say yes. He's not strong enough. Even though he is, and she knows it and he knows it and everyone will know it in about 5 minutes, he just can't get that syllable out.

"I'll go wherever it is you're going!" She's crying now, her voice shaking. He delivers the final blow. He's joining the army, simply because it's the only place that he knew she couldn't follow. He wants to clear his father's name, but mostly he needs to not be in Lima. Lima is going to be filled with the ghosts of everything that happened between them: every conversation, every date...

"You're going to get on that train, and you're going to go to New York, and you're going to be a star." His voice breaks on that last word, but he promised himself he wouldn't cry. Not until she was gone. But he overestimated his strength - seeing her, tears streaming down her face, heart breaking and face crumpled in pain... he can't stand it. "Without me. That's how much I love you." He wishes he could get through to her, but it's like speaking to a brick wall. All she's thinking, all his precious Rachel Berry is thinking, is that Finn doesn't want her anymore.

But he does.

He wants her so badly that he's dying inside. This conversation is killing him, but the only way this plan is going to work is if she looks at him. "Surrender. We're gonna sit here, and then we're gonna let go." He reminds her that they still have a chance. If they're meant to be, it will happen.

And as she chokes out one final sob, after kissing him (he can taste her tears and it tastes like Hell) and telling him that she loves him, he feels a tiny bit of relief. She's going to New York. He hasn't hurt her unnecessarily, he's been successful.

Seeing the train leave is another thing entirely, though. He changes his mind and he would've kept running all day if it meant he could be with her.

But the train is too fast.

And her dreams are too big.

...

_"Give her space to be who she was meant to be." _Standing at her front door in New York, heart pounding, Finn remembers Leroy's words. 3 months of ignoring all her emails and letters and texts and calls was giving her enough space, right?

He hears her giggle and his spirits lift. The summer had been the worst summer of his life, but none of that matters as long as she's here. And he's in New York now, which means they can be together. Or something.

Seeing her - god, she looks different - was like something out of a dream.

Which then turned into a nightmare as he saw that she wasn't alone.

_"Give her space to be who she was meant to be."_

Apparently she wasn't meant to be with him.

**A/N: I've had the majority of this in my head since the season finale. I just wanted to get into Finn's brain and yeah. This is the result. **

**Yes, I ship Finchel. No, I don't hate Brochel (in fact I like them). No, I'm not looking forward to the next episode at all.**

**I love you for reading, don't forget to review!**


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